


Improbable

by BeautifulDistraction



Category: Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Action, Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Romance, The violence is similar to what is in the books, king of scars spoilers, nothing extreme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 16:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18154253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulDistraction/pseuds/BeautifulDistraction
Summary: Zoya goes on a journey before returning to face Nikolai and her future.Set in canonverse after the events of KoS but with some changes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is crazy. I really hope you guys like it. It's really just me exploring some thoughts I had and indulging in my need to see Zoyalai happen somehow. 
> 
> Some notes: KoS spoilers ahead! 
> 
> \- For this fic The Darkling was not brought back at the end of KoS. I have not read The Grisha Trilogy so I don't know enough to write about him.
> 
> \- Zoya has the ability to use a bunch of different grisha powers in this. It started off as a mistake but I decided to roll with it. 
> 
> There are other things that I changed but they are minor details and shouldn't be too jarring. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Zoya stepped off the dock onto the streets of Ketterdam. Her blue kefta swayed lightly in the breeze, strands of her dark hair obscuring her view of the troubled city.

"What an ugly city," she said to no one in particular.

"It grows on you," the gentle voice of Inej Ghafa replied from behind her.

Zoya turned around to take a look at the young pirate. _Privateer,_ an unwanted voice whispered in her mind. She gave it a mental shove.

Inej had changed out of her ship trousers and donned a loose dark shirt with matching tights and a fitted coat. Her thick sailors' boots had also been swapped for a pair of black rubber slippers that she rocked back and forth on, her wriggling toes visibly stretching the front of each shoe.

"It smells of death and looks like someone threw a mixture of dirt and dung over every possible surface," she crinkled her nose and began walking into the main streets of the city. After a moment Inej caught up to her.

"It's a work in progress. At least the dead bodies have been cleaned up. Last time I docked here the smell had half my crew emptying their stomachs over the side. This way." Inej led her past a merchant stall and down onto a narrow path she'd barely noticed before.

It was supposed to have been a three day trip on the Wraith to reach Ketterdam, but Zoya had used her sway with the ocean wind to quicken their pace. They had instead arrived after a mere day at sea, well ahead of schedule and therefore without a messenger to greet them.

Zoya noticed Inej sneaking glances at her once again. She had been doing it for the entirety of their trip, since she'd boarded in Ravka, but the looks had doubled in the past day alone. It seemed Zoya had run out of time to find a way to avoid the inevitable questioning.

"So, General... are you ready to talk about it?

"I hired you to be my guide, not to talk or ask questions." The path thinned even further, forcing them into a line, Zoya a step behind her guide.

Inej smiled. "I can do both."

"I'd advise you not to if you like having a tongue."

"Well, if at any point you feel like talking about the fact that you're here and not back in Ravka supporting your king on his wedding day, do let me know."

Zoya clenched her teeth and sent out a whip of air to trip the girl as she walked ahead of her.  
lnej slid for a moment before gracefully regaining her pace. Belatedly Zoya remembered she had been an acrobat once.

Inej continued, "though I do appreciate your help taking down those two slave ships during our time at sea, I think you may be missed."

"I'm a General, not Nikolai's personal hand holder. My time is better spent focusing on the war we've yet to win."

"I doubt one day's delay would have made a difference."

"And that is why I am General and you are not."

Inej pursed her lips for a moment, then continued hesitantly. "Before we set sail Genya sought me out to give me a letter for Nina. We spoke for a while and she mentioned a few things... about the king, and about you." Zoya looked up sharply and she quickly added, "nothing important! She just mentioned that you two were the reason Ravka has grown so much over the last seven years. That she had hope again for her country, knowing that it was in the hands of a capable king... and a fierce queen."

Inej stopped walking and turned to face the raven haired woman she had grown a strange fondness for, despite her iciness. "I think I understand why you are here. Maybe if I were you I would be here too. I don't know what your choices were, and why you chose this one - the one that takes you away from any others, but I do know that being here right now will only make it harder for you to face the feelings you're hiding from.

"May the Saints help you find peace, Zoya." A dark look crossed over the General, but she said nothing. They walked onwards.

The path ended in front of a crooked door which Inej rapped on three times with her slender knuckles. In the middle of the door, a hole appeared and two brown eyes peered through.

"Wraith! You're back!" The door slid open abruptly and a dark haired woman swept the young sailor up into a hug.

"Anika! It's good to see you well again!" She laughed as they pulled apart to clasp arms. "How's your wound?"

"All healed up. Come on in, you've come at a great time - everyone's upstairs in a meeting with Kaz." She seemed to notice Zoya finally and added, "you a new crew member?"

"She's -.”

"That's right, I'm the new recruit healer." Zoya cut in, channelling her king's best disarming smile. Inej frowned but didn't contradict her.

"Well, come in too then." Anika led them through the dusty hall into the main living area of the Dregs. They received a few curious looks from the men and women lounging around as they continued up a creaky staircase. Zoya spotted flecks of what looked like dried blood splattered on the walls and steps.

As they reached the landing Anika signalled for them to wait and headed to the furthermost door, knocking swiftly. The door opened a crack and after a quickly whispered conversation, she nodded for them to go in.

Zoya marched ahead of a startled Inej and entered to find a ragtag crew of misfits, and Nina.

"Zoya?!" Nina leapt up from her place by the window. "INEJ!!" Like magnets they flew across the room, Nina picking the smaller girl up and spinning them around, squealing. Zoya took the moment to take in the rest of the room.  
Behind a messy desk, the infamous Kaz Brekker had stood up, gloved hands reaching for his cane. On one side of him on an old chaise sat two familiar looking young men, and on the other sat a young woman with honey brown skin. Zoya assumed she was the girl Nina had mentioned in her correspondence, Hanne, the daughter of Jarl Brum. She stared at Zoya with a shell shocked look that the general was far too used to seeing. She turned back to the Ketterdam wretch.

"Brekker."

"General Nazyalensky. To what do we owe this visit?"

Nina and Inej paused in their excitement to watch the encounter. Kaz's eyes flicked to Inej, who returned his look, communicating something briefly with her eyes alone.

"I've come on behalf of Ravka and the King," she said. It was a half truth. 

"I see."

"I'm here to make a trade. We need ships. A lot of them. And you, Brekker, have what we need."

His eyes glittered. "I don't know what you've heard, but _I_ don't have any ships. I'm afraid you've travelled a long way for nothing."

Zoya smiled at him dangerously. "Oh saints," muttered Nina.

"Do you know what I did to the last person who tried to play me?" She made a show of casually leaning back against the wall opposite the thief. The bricks around her crackled, veins running electric blue.

"Probably similar to what happens to those who attempt to threaten me in my own home, General," he growled back.

Nina sighed, deciding to intervene. "As fun as it might be to watch you both try and kill each other, and as much as I'd love to take bets for it," she paused, thinking hard. "And hire a venue for the event, make ticket prices sky high, earn a fortune from profits and retire young to the country, eating waffles every- ”

Inej cleared her throat loudly.

Nina started. "Right... You're like a week early so I hadn't yet gotten the chance to speak to everyone - wait, why aren't you at -" she rambled on after seeing Zoya's glare. "Never mind. About a month ago I was thinking about the troubles Wylan's been having with his business, and I saw an opportunity for both Ravka and the Van Eck group to make a mutually beneficial deal."

"A deal for what?" asked Inej warily.

"I hadn't thought of that yet," Nina admitted sheepishly. "But I knew someone back home could use the information to Ravka's benefit, so I sent General Nazyalensky a missive, and two weeks later I received an order to return to Kerch. I don't know much more except that I needed to get you on board too Kaz, because of your involvement in certain trade deals you and Wylan are working on."

"I'm listening," he drawled.

"Here we go," said the dark skinned boy who was now half laying on the couch. He looked from Kaz to the scrawny boy sitting beside him. "Scheming face."

The scrawny boy pushed back the mess of brown curls on his head and stood up tall and firm. "I'm Wylan Van Eck. Tell me," he said. "What can you do for me in exchange for my ships?"

Zoya's eyes narrowed. Like Kaz, this boy was more than what met the eye. "Okay Van Eck. Let's talk."

 

 

 

             ~~~~~~~~~

 

  

 

The talks between the Dregs and Zoya had lasted until sundown, after which everyone had wearily retired to their rooms. Zoya herself felt exhausted. It was a blissful distraction that left her much too tired to think about a certain golden haired fool, or her own rash actions.

She had opted to return to the ship rather than seek out lodgings within the city. Inej had given her directions and promised to join her soon, citing a need to discuss personal business with Brekker first.

 _"Take some time to learn the streets,"_ she'd said. _"Just don't stray out of Dregs' territory and you shouldn't be bothered on your way back. I'll find you when I'm done."_

Zoya had nodded at the time but a restless part of her was hoping to be crossed, if only to give her a reason to use her fists.

The streets were still busy, lit up with lanterns and torches fastened to the walls of passing buildings. She passed by tricksters and shops full of glass objects that glittered. On another street everywhere her eye met were stalls selling savoury meats still sizzling on their spits, and sweets of all colours that she'd never tried before. Nikolai would have loved it. She felt sure he would have goaded her into trying some of the more unique ones.

Perhaps with him by her side the leers from the men she passed would have been less obvious too. She had already tripped two men who had ventured too close and was considering whether to do the same, or worse, to a third who had begun to follow her footsteps.

Zoya didn't mind the appreciative look or smile, she knew her face drew eyes, but there were always some who pushed the boundaries. These she would give a harsh reminder to.

Through her peripheral vision, she saw the man following her had crept closer still, a mere five steps away now. Her pulse quickened from the prospect of a potential conflict but she schooled her expression to remain unbothered and focused her gaze on the trinkets in each stall.

' _Knives or fists?_ ' she wondered. Perhaps she'd let him close enough and decide after his intentions became clear. _'Yes,'_ she thought savagely. But first she needed to find somewhere quieter.

Ahead she glimpsed the alleyway Inej had taken her through. She kept her pace steady as she headed towards it.

' _Careful... eyes alone deceive. Listen to your surroundings and feel the earth beneath you...'_  the voice of Juris breathed quietly within her.

She increased her alertness, scanning her surroundings discreetly. What was she missing?

Almost immediately the shadow of a second figure hugging the edge of the street came into view. She then tapped into the movement of the wind, listening for a push or pull in its direction, just as Juris had been teaching her to.

She felt a jolt of surprise to find two more assailants scaling the crumbling walls of the buildings she passed, the wind rushing against them.

Berating herself for missing so much, she took heed of her mentor's final tip. Zoya marked her footsteps, and increased her awareness of the stones and gravel beneath her boots. As a fabrikator might do. One, two, three, four, five. Pause.

Behind her, three pairs of boots paused their heavy footfalls also.

A thrill passed through her. She was being hunted by five people. _'Humans hunting a dragon in disguise,'_ she thought. _'I almost feel sorry for them.'_

The two on the wall she could easily fell. One shock and they would each lose their footing, tumbling heavily down to the ground. She would have to keep one of the ones on the ground alive and well enough to talk. The final two would make for good sport.

As she passed into the alleyway she centred her thoughts on the two torches lining each side of the entrance. _Five heartbeats_. On the fifth she flared them, engaging her winds to feed the flame brighter and larger into the shape of a wall. The yells of agony from one of the men reached her ears as he was hit by the blast of heat and fire.

She fed one flame higher until it touched a windowsill, letting the wall fall. A pool of power boiled hot within her. One spark. She clicked her fingers and the air vibrated as the men on the walls jolted and buzzed audibly before falling to the earth with two sickening thuds.

Zoya swivelled around, expecting to find the final two men advancing. Instead, just one figure appeared before her. Like the others he wore a rounded brown cap that sunk low onto his face, and a dark, filthy shirt with trousers that had seen better days. The skin of his face was pale, smudged with grime. There was no time to wonder if his companion had fled or was waiting to reappear.

"Grisha filth," he spat at her, reaching for something from behind his back. Zoya tsked and pounced on him.

He fell to the hard ground as her fists landed, each hit carefully aimed and executed to disarm without damaging her attacker too badly. She had to save something for the questioning, after all. He'd piqued her interest with his little remark.

The grisha warrior snarled as she was forced to dodge a kick aimed at her stomach. He took the opportunity to push her off, regaining his footing and pulling out the gun he'd been reaching for earlier.  
Amidst the struggle his cap had loosened, revealing a lock of wavy, ash blonde hair.

He was Fjerdan.

The first shot rung through the air but Zoya was ready for it, sending a sweeping burst of wind crashing back towards him. The bullet careened backwards through the air and lodged itself into the barrel of the gun, melting through its metal viciously.

The Fjerdan shouted as it burned the tips of his fingers, tossing it away angrily.  
Zoya smiled and blinked sweetly. "Its not very proper of you to bring a gun to a fist fight. I guess that means I get to use my own little tricks." She wriggled her fingers at him.

Juris had only just started training her to manipulate water, but she had been picking up the basics well. Why not test how far she could push her abilities?

' _No. Finish him. You've had your fun already.'_

Ignoring the voice, she breathed in deeply, and as she exhaled she summoned her storm. Clouds roiled above them, and she commanded their attention. She gripped them, squeezing and shaping the chaos within, taking out her blade as the water coalesced and froze, a formation of power. Her winds blew ice cold and her enemy shouted once more, covering his face, voice lost in the storm.

Zoya's eyes glowed blue as she stilled.

She then lifted her blade, hilt upwards, and drove it down into the ground before her. Across her, a blade of ice plunged into the chest of the Fjerdan soldier.

She smothered his scream ruthlessly, sucking the air from his lungs, and prowled slowly towards him, sheathing her blade as she went.

"Look at you now, all bloody and muddy. So _filthy_ ," she tutted crouching down beside him.

The exertion from moulding the blade of ice out of mist had her breathing heavily, and her hands had begun to shake. She needed to leave quickly. But not before she had some answers.

Juris sneered at her, ' _If you were truly ready you would know your limits_.' She wiped her brow with the sleeve of her dull blue kefta.

"Tell me Fjerdan, what are you doing so far from home?" He turned his head, clawing at his chest as if to pull out the blade. She pointed a threatening finger at him, slow as ever. "Tell me."

"H-hunting witches like you," he coughed out.

"How many of you are there? Who leads you?"

"You'll never win. Jarl Brum has weapons and armies you-you could n-never imagine-"

"Where is Brum now?" She grabbed his collar. Curse her for being reckless with her powers. He was dying too fast, and he knew it. He would die with his knowledge kept safe from her.

The soldier laughed, blood splattering his chin as his cough worsened. "T-too l-late-”

"Answer me!

But her ice blade had been too effective and his blood flowed out freely, staining the ground. He coughed viciously once more, then stilled.

She stood up and began to turn away.

All Zoya saw next was a glint of yellowed teeth and then she was grappling with her attacker as a cloth smothered her nose and mouth. In the gloom of the night light she fought, but the poison she'd inhaled from the cloth was fast acting and she could feel as it seeped into her limbs. Her struggles grew heavier and panic seized her. How could she have forgotten the fifth attacker?  
  
Her vision blurred and she lost feeling in her hands, the numbness spreading further down through her legs.

The last thing she saw as the hand over her face loosened was the tail end of a gleaming black plait whipping through the air before her. Then she fell, embracing the darkness.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another note: I didn't make Inej Captain of The Wraith in this because I think she'd want to learn from someone experienced first. It's still her ship though and she runs it as the Quartermaster (pirate qm's rank just under the captain in terms of power). I imagine that she'll eventually become Captain when she's experienced enough at sea.

  

Zoya came to all at once, scrambling up on her bed with a scream held back on the tip of her tongue and her hands raised to summon a storm.

"Easy, easy! You're safe, put those arms down before you damage my ship!"

Zoya looked around blearily, slowly taking in her quarters on the _Wraith_. She lowered her arms.

"What happened?"

Inej eyed her carefully from where she was perched by Zoya's bed. "What do you remember last?"

The markets in Ketterdam. Fire. Ice.

Inej took her silence to mean she remembered enough. "You were drugged into a heavy sleep during your fight. I slit your attacker's throat but not before you took a bad beating. You've been out for two days."

She touched a hand to her brow, wincing at the sharp pain that lanced through her skull.

"I didn't think it safe for you to remain in Kerch after the attack. We're one day away from returning to Ravka."

She groaned and slumped back in her bed with the realisation that she was once more back at sea, well on her way home. She would have to face Nikolai much sooner than she'd hoped. With his new wife. The thought was a burning pain in her chest. But by now she understood why. She'd even accepted the fact that her feelings for the king had grown complex and deep.

That did not mean she was ready to see him again. Something must have shone through Zoya's face for Inej placed a warm hand over hers.

"It is better that you return now rather than later."

She liked the young Quartermaster, really she did, but she had an annoying knack for poking and prodding at sore spots. Zoya didn't care to face this. She knew that she could, and would at some point. But right now she felt tired of it. Tired of fighting. Tired of the war. Tired of the loneliness she'd felt since she was a child. She hadn't realised it but the king had been a comfort to her. A companion who shared the same troubles and aspirations. Slowly he had crept into her life and every smile, every joke between them had been like a bandage covering the emptiness.

Now that bandage had began to unravel with every smile Nikolai gave to Ehri, every day he had deigned to spend by her side instead of Zoya's, and it had been too long since she had learned to live with her emptiness. The last time she had truly felt the rawness of it she had succumbed to the Darkling's influence. She was afraid of what it would do to her now.

The grisha looked up at the girl in front of her. She knew so little about the brave fighter who was kind and hard and wiser than her years. A young Suli woman like herself, she supposed. There was a quiet connection between them, through their shared origins. Zoya knew that Inej would not ask her anything she might not want to answer. The Suli lived hard lives, and she had learned through the years from the short moments she plucked here and there amongst the Suli travellers and traders, that they would not ask for what was not freely given.

"I care about him," she said in the silence, as much to herself as to Inej. "So I couldn't be there. I needed time."

The wraith smiled sadly at her, standing up. "You should tell him. Marrying a stranger can't have been easy for him either. Tell him and it will ease you both."

"I bet Ehri would love that," she scoffed. "Perhaps I should, just to keep her on her toes."

Inej sighed. "Rest, General. I'll send down the ship's healer later to see to your wounds again. Try and get some sleep for now."

"I'll see to my own wounds. You can send me the bandages alone, Quartermaster."

Inej nodded, then left.

Zoya did not intend to remain on the ship. When they docked, the king would know immediately of her return. She could not have her movements marked so openly. No, she needed to leave now and arrive discreetly on her own terms. But she would have to see the King fast, as there was also the matter of Jarl Brum's plans that they needed to discuss.

"Juris," she murmured aloud.

He gave no reply.

"Juris, please."

She had only just felt the touch of his consciousness before she was blasted with his red, hot anger.

' _You are a fool, Nazyalensky!'_ he raged. _'You will lose my aid forever if you ever attempt such recklessness again! I will not train a soldier who cannot follow orders and who is guided by her emotions, not her mind. This is the only warning you will hear from me.'_

She tilted her head up. "I will act as I see fit." He growled at her. "... but your words have been noted."

He simmered still, but did not respond. Zoya took it as a win.

She crossed the room to the rounded window, pushing it open. It was time to fly.

 

  

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

  
Zoya was waiting for him in his quarters when he arrived.

He stared at her for a moment, taking in her appearance, the cut on her brow, her ragged clothing. Too late she realised the state she was in.

"... I'm trying to think of what kind of animal could have dragged you in here looking like that," he said, his voice sounding strange. "Certainly not a cat."

"Whatever I look like now, I assure you you've looked much worse," she replied sweetly. He relaxed slightly.

"You're back."

"Yes." She looked down, then met his eyes deciding to get the obvious out of the way first. "The cut on my face is courtesy of Jarl Brum's cronies. I had the pleasure of dancing with five of them."

"In Ketterdam?" his voice was carefully neutral as he asked.

He knew where she had gone. "They were targeting grisha. Brum is planning something, and soon. We need to send out feelers and tighten security here in Ravka."

"I'll put Tolya on it."

She nodded her agreement. Tolya's network was best suited for the task.

The tension returned as each stood waiting for the other to speak again. Zoya hated it. Anything was better. So she bit bullet and asked.

"How was the wedding? Did everything go to plan?"

"Well... it went better than planned, in fact." He waved two hands in front of him. No ring.

Her breathing stopped."What happened?" Zoya demanded.

"Turns out I can't marry a woman against her will... against mine too if we're being completely honest."

She groaned. "Idiot! This isn't the time to be honourable or honest. We're at war! It was never about wills and wants... Ravka _needs_ allies! We _need_  the Shu!"

"Peace, Zoya. I haven't completely lost my mind. Will you ever start trusting that I know what I'm doing?" He started to move about the room, putting things away and gathering stray papers.

She pretended to think about it. "No, you stupidly honest dunce!" She conjured a sharp gust of wind to smack the back of his head. He winced and gave her a look of reproach. "Where is Ehri? I can still fix this." She was already going through a list of potential excuses to give the public for the delayed wedding.

"She's gone back already. To Shu Han."

"Oh Nikolai... what have you done?"

He pulled off his gloves and sat down with a thump on the ornate couch set in the middle of the room. His blackened fingertips dug into its soft exterior. "You know Zoya, I'm not too sure why you seem to care now. What have you been doing, other than getting into street brawls? You disappear for days and return expecting no questions? You are Ravka's General! My General!"

He tilted his head down and loose locks of hair fell forward, hiding his face. "How was I even supposed to try and stand at that altar without you there? How could you ask me to do that alone?" Zoya had rarely heard him sound like this. His voice was cold and empty.

"I was doing my job, just as you were supposed to do," she replied. "Why does everyone think I'm your guardian as well as your guard? While you were here breaking promises and failing Ravka, I was busy trading with the Kerch for ships and soldiers."

He let out a bitter laugh. "Like a queen."

"Like a _general_."

Nikolai stood up and moved to face Zoya. There were dark circles under his tired green eyes. After a moment something in his gaze seemed to surrender. He was never good at fighting with her.

"I secured the alliance before I ended the betrothal." He huffed out a breath of air. "Ehri has taken an oath to Ravka. She will rally the Shu to ally with us, and will oversee that they do not turn on us and attempt an invasion. In exchange we will keep her lover safe in Ravka, and once her part is done, provide her with what her sister falsely promised her."

"Her lover?" How had she missed that?

"I had some of my spies in Shu Han do some more digging. It turns out she's been hiding her girlfriend, a low level fabrikator, from the rest of her family. It's why she's been so desperate to escape her life of royalty. To be with the one she loves." Nikolai looked away from her as he said the final line.

"Oh."

"Yes well, now that's sorted." He folded his arms. "Tell me what you accomplished with the Kerch."

She hesitated, not knowing how to continue now that her anger was unnecessary. Nikolai had managed the impossible. She'd never tell him that though. His self praise was already dangerously toeing the line to narcissism. She also never wanted to hear the word _improbable_ again.

"It seems that we were both successful. I made a deal with Van Eck for his warships. He has agreed to lend us fifty to use against Fjerda, including mercenary soldiers and sailors."

Nikolai's brows shot up. "What on earth did you promise in exchange for that?!"

Zoya smiled smugly. "I granted him the opportunity to rent land in Ravka to use for sugar farming, on the condition that he hires on locals to provide the labour. The Kerch have too little land, you see. Makes produce hard to come by."

Nikolai's mouth had fallen open. He gave himself a mental shake. "Tell me again why I need a foreign queen, when I have you?"

"Unfortunately a war general cannot provide you an heir, Nikolai."

"She can if she is also the queen." He winked.

"You'd marry me?" She scoffed. "Sorry to disappoint but the nice Zoya of your dreams does not exist. There's only what you see here, spite and ruthlessness. " She smiled a smile that was all teeth, ready to begin their regular dance of harmless flirtation. Part of her leapt at the fact that they could once more be so free with each other, now that he was no longer betrothed. Nikolai, however, did not join in her amusement.

"I'd marry you in a heartbeat Zoya." Her heart stuttered and her smile vanished almost instantly as she looked back at him. He continued on, his gaze warm and soft, and only for her. "Your storms, your fire, all of you."

Zoya was speechless for a moment, then, "Don't be stupid," she snapped. "And don't play games with me. Do not forget that I am a dragon as much as I am a human. I will not hesitate to burn you to a crisp."

He sighed. "I know, its a lot. I've wondered for a long time at the risk of playing this moment out. It shouldn't come as a shock that I consider you to be a queen already. After all, I did plan to give you Ravka if I died." He took a step closer. "But besides that, these past few days have only made me more aware of how deeply I care about you. How much I need you by my side. I know that this is not like me to be so forward with you, perhaps it's selfish too... but I can't stop thinking about those moments in the Fold so long ago, and hoping that I'm not alone in these feelings. We've never had the luxury to dwell on it before, have we?"

She gave no response, but he went on anyway. "Circumstances haven't been fair. But I think we need to take a chance at happiness where we can. Our lives will never be easy either way and I want this choice, at the very least, to be for me."

He straightened, falling back into his king's guise and readying himself to leave. "Think on it Zoya. I'll leave the next move up to you." He took her hand in both of his, pressed a soft kiss to it, then left without another glance back.

Zoya just stared at the empty space where he was, hand still outstretched, tingling from the warmth of Nikolai's lips.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like the ending!

 

"HOLD FIRE!" Zoya yelled, blade upright in the cold Fjerdan air. Her long, raven black hair blew behind her, icy dew mixed with sweat and grime clinging to its locks.  
They were situated on an embankment close to the Ravkan border. Zoya had lead the charge for the skirmish, and the battle had been fierce, grisha clashing heavily with druskelle.

The Fjerdans had flattened the earth with their blasts of fire and heavy tanks, but the Ravkans had trained hard and long so that they could face the evils Brum conjured, and it had paid off.

The druskelle were retreating, abandoning any dead weight and sprinting back through the forest. Many of her grisha forces had made to follow and cut off their retreat, archers and shooters in the trees firing shot after shot mercilessly. Zoya's command had slowed their fire.

The War General turned to her Lieutenant. "Allow their retreat, but send a small group to tail them for recon. Our stealthiest fighters only." Adrik nodded and took off.

She hissed suddenly as a searing pain lurched through her side. It had been a few days since she had been hit by a blast from a Fjerdan grenade. Shrapnel had pierced her below the chest, digging deep and wide. She had paused only long enough to freeze it shut and had then returned to the fight. Since then it had ached more and more frequently, demanding her attention. She cursed loudly.

Captain Tolya approached her. "Go back to Ravka and heal. There won't be another battle for a while now. The Fjerdans have suffered a huge loss and will need to rethink their strategies."

He saw the telltale signs of the General about to argue and quickly added, "You'll do us no good if you recklessly allow your injury to worsen."

 _Reckless_. She couldn't help but think how much that word seemed to suit her lately.

She sighed in defeat. She needed to return anyway, to brief the king and revise their tactics. "You will take my command. Hold the bank until the ships arrive. I will take the wounded back home, and return in five days time. Can you manage?"

 

 

 

                                                                             ~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

  
Nikolai paced in his study, his mind racing after the message he'd received five minutes earlier.

_"We've had news, Your Highness. General Nazyalensky will be arriving back in the city by the evening. Acting General Tolya has requested that a healer be ready to receive her."_

She'd been hurt. How? She was Zoya for Saintssake! He trusted that she could look after herself. Knowing that she was injured again, so soon after her previous injury had him rethinking how carefree he had always been about her welfare.  
  
He went about his day on autopilot, pushing his worry to the back of his mind to concentrate when he needed to. He charmed his way through a meeting with the priests of Tsemna. He negotiated a deal with Duke Radimov to fund the opening of a new school of learning for children, in exchange for a seat in trade meetings with the Zemeni. He sat with Tamar and David and smoothed out kinks in their plans for the _izmars'ya_ and parem antidote.

In other words, he distracted himself.

He'd only just managed to perfect his charm once more during a meeting with the leader of a far town when the messenger reappeared announcing the return of fifteen wounded soldiers.

Genya stepped in, relaying orders for the housing and care of the wounded as Nikolai hurriedly made his excuses and exited. He'd have to thank Genya later.

Once he was clear of the building he ran, taking quieter paths and hidden entryways as his legs brought him closer to the Little Palace. By the time he reached her door he was sweaty and his nerves were wrecked. Only Zoya could make him lose his composure in this way still.

A part of him wished he'd never let himself fall this far, so quickly. He could have kept her at arms length for longer, if not for the Fold. Seeing her fall, seeing her drown, it had forced him to realise his fear of losing her.

Better he went than she did. Her loss was something he did not ever want to bear.

He removed his gloves, squeezing them into a pocket, then knocked softly. "Zoya? Are you in there?"

The door opened slightly and he entered hesitantly. She was seated in the centre of her bed, her legs crossed and eyes fixed on pages of what looked to be handwritten notes scattered about her. She did not look up as she began to talk.

"We've placed men on the eastern side of the border, and the river line. The skirmish at the embankment was a success but I don't like how easy it was. Brum let us have it too quickly before retreating. I think we should re-examine our current strategy."

She was always business first. "I met with David and Tamar today and we've come up with an idea for an underwater attack. We'll add your concerns to tomorrow morning's briefings in the war room. We can review your notes then too. Zoya, they told me you were injured. Has the healer attended to you yet?"

She scowled. "We should look at the intelligence again tonight, not tomorrow."

"Fine," he said, not caring. "Where were you hurt?"

She looked up finally. "I wasn't injured," she said, gaze shifting back to her notes. But he saw she had adjusted her position to favour her left side. He edged closer, and without warning poked her right where he felt it would hurt most.

She jumped and he was knocked to the floor by a gust of wind.

"Touch me again at your own peril!" she hissed angrily, hand pressed to her wound.

"You threaten your caring king far too often, you know. And I would feel bad about the poke except I'm trying to be more annoyed that you lied, than worried that you jumped higher than Tolya when he sees food."

"Why do I put up with you again?"

Still on the floor he pressed his hair down with one hand and smiled charmingly. "It's my stunning good looks and charismatic personality. How else do you think I've survived assassination?"

"I'd imagine my blade had something to do with that too," Zoya replied dryly.

Crossing his own legs, he leaned back on his palms, still smiling. Zoya looked like she wanted to knock him down again. He hoped she'd do it personally this time.

"There's that glint in your eyes again dear. That treasonous one that means you're considering going through with one of your sweet threats."

"It's nice to know you've been paying attention, Your Highness."

"Always, for you." She snorted. "But don't think you've distracted me. Your wound?"

"It's fine, Nikolai. I froze it shut and it should last until tomorrow after the war meeting." He looked about to interrupt so she added, "I _will_ have it seen to straight afterwards. I promise."

He sighed. "Is there no way to convince you to see a healer earlier?" She shook her head. "Very well. But on one condition - after I leave for today I want to you take the evening off and _actually sleep_. Do we have a deal?"

"Fine," she bit out. He'd be gone though and what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. "Come and see these notes."

He joined her on the bed and they began searching through her writing for clues as to what Brum was planning. The hours passed by as they compared notes, adding comments and writing down their thoughts.

The sun burned lower and lower in the sky, the night beckoning.

They'd shifted closer over time and Zoya was now inches away. Nikolai found himself taking in her beauty. How her face scrunched up while reading small lettering, and how her eyes grew brighter yet narrower when she neared a discovery.

 _'This,'_ he thought, _'this is how it should be. Zoya and I.'_ He'd missed her presence terribly. He'd missed afternoons and evenings like these spent together with her.

"I've missed you." He'd spoken inadvertently but he found he didn't regret it. She would be the one to bring up his proposal again, if she wished, but he thought he could at least tell her this.

Her face softened. "I would miss me too if I'd been stuck with dull David for company."

He laughed. "He's been helpful but his heart is with the labs, and wherever Genya is."

"As ever," she agreed and the comfortable silence between them returned, but Zoya had begun to fidget. Every now and again she would look up as if to speak, then think better of it. If he tried to look at her she would scowl until he looked away again.

He was about to give in and call it a night when she finally spoke.

"I... I thought about what you said before. About how you felt." He stilled. "I've had a lot to think about. How we may feel comes second to our duty to Ravka and my hopes to help the grisha."

"We are agreed on this," he replied lightly.

"But it's not only that... courting you would be difficult, let alone becoming Queen. I would have to change. A queen needs to smile and charm people, just as you do. I prefer to scare those who irritate me."

"I haven't noticed."

She rolled her eyes. "I would also be expected to give up my active role in the war, and sit around bearing your children."

He spoke carefully. "It's true that an heir would be expected, but I would never ask you to be less than who you are. Ravkan queens were like that in the past and it did us no favours. A queen who cares about protecting her people and is seen doing so is what we need. Zoya, the future I see with you is of a Ravka so strong and alive our enemies envy us."

"You dream so easily still, but these obstacles are only a few of many."

"Climbing a mountain of challenges is nothing new for us. There's always more in Ravka."

"And what if it doesn't work out and we grow to hate each other?"

"Then we will return to a working relationship, though I do not see that eventuality happening."

"I will not grow old as you do Nikolai."

He met her eyes. "I do not fear that."

She continued to war with herself but Nikolai still hadn't heard what he needed from her.

"Forget all of that for a moment. Forget everyone else - just for a moment," he interrupted her. "Can you do that?"

She inclined her head slowly, cautiously.

He continued, "I want you to imagine we are back in the Fold, and I am once more preparing to battle my monster. We don't know what might happen next, or if we'll even survive." He took her hands in his. Her expression grew grave, and hard. "Finish saying what you had begun to say." He had wanted nothing more ever since. 

"Don't die," she commanded immediately. The king snorted. She lifted his hand in hers and cupped it to her cheek, just as it had been that day. Her eyes closed. "Don't die," she repeated. "Not just because Ravka needs you, but for me too. I need you. I don't want to serve any other king. No one else could compare. And I don't want to be queen... not ever without you."

His thumb stroked her cheek, and Zoya opened her eyes. "I would have done it, Nikolai. When you gave me Ravka I would have spent my life fighting for it, and nothing else. But I would have never become queen. I wouldn't have considered it. Is that enough of an answer for you?"

It was. Her honesty had him floored. "Will you allow me to court you Zoya?"

Her eyes were wet and she closed them again before nodding once.

The weight of years seemed to fall off the king. He released her cheek and fell back, head hitting soft pillows as he exhaled dramatically. "Finally. You know how to keep a king waiting, Nazyalenksy." She kicked his leg. "Ow!"

"It's good for you to wait every now and then," she laughed, and to his amazement she lay down carefully next to him, head turned on her pillow to face him.

"Let's take this slow. We don't need to rush into anything, or think about the future." He took her hand again. "Just you and me, for a while."

"Just you and me? With Ravka and the war surrounding us? Impossible."

"Improba-” Nikolai choked as the air went thin.

"Saints help me."

He huffed a laugh of his own and pressed a kiss to her hand. "We don't need them."

She relaxed, agreeing silently. They would work it out, as they always had. Together.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a bit nervous posting this. I'd love to know how you felt about it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
